whatshouldwecallme:

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weekly running commentary from @tara_lane, @elizcongdon, and @ZandraLane

GREAT camera work synching up “I have my work cut out for me” with Sean working out. – A

I still love Lesley and I am LOVING her dress and that she got a one-on-one date! – T

Hope Lesley is cool with massive amounts of PDA! – T

Nice vest, Chris Harrison. – E

I see you flirting with random girls in the crowd at the world record museum, Chris Harrison! …In the “most shocking Bachelor reveal ever” Chris Harrison announces that he is the next bachelor. – E

We’re going to see a little too much of Lesley soon if Sean keeps that handwork up. - T

random tweet is just saw via hashtag search (didn’t want to favorite it b/c it’s a rando person)
@prarie_girls “Hot and passionate”? Maybe if you’re a sophomore at Brigham Young University. #Bachelor – T

She needs to look HIM in the eyes while they’re talking. It looks like she’s just talking to a wall right now. – T

“Blown away” count: 1 - A

“I’m glad I’m not going on the group date. It’s probably something with an activity.”OK girl you just keep telling yourself that. – T

“This is the most important game of my life!” That is sad. – E

Everyone’s suits match…it’s not obvious at all. – T

Some of these girls are trying to look like olympians and the others are afraid of the ball, and it’s all just a big hot mess. – T

I am getting a headache from this volleyball camera work. Did they not learn anything from Kerri Walsh/Misty mays 3-peat this past summer?!? - A

When these girls cry like they’re the only ones going through this…to the 10 other girls who are in the exact same situation…ummm. – T

Wedding dress- we have spent zero time together but I’m going to psychotically talk about how I want you to be my best friend!!! - A

The fact that Sean has had multiple concussions explains a lot. - A

“Act like Kacie and not like this crazy person I’m seeing.” I think you just dug your own grave, Kacie B. – T

Kacie B, you dummy! Did you not learn anything from Emily during Ben’s season??? We know this approach never works. – E

I hope that nobody would actually go to those lengths just for a man’s attention, but if I were to peg any of these girls for that action, it would be Tierra. – T

From now on, it’s not A.D. It’s A.F. (After the Fall). – T

Sick kids? You are killing me Sean. He has officially won me over. Still a little boring but seems genuine. And he says y’all so yeah, I love that. – E

Obligatory charity work episode. - A

Since my life is basically defined by chronic pain and fatigue, going to an amusement park for me would probably require a half dozen percosset and 3 days to recover. So I can’t imagine what those girls go through. (No but really I’m perplexed why they are on rollercoasters.) - A

She didn’t know he wanted kids? Did she watch last season at all? – T

Are all the one on one date winners contractually obligated to showcase the rose holding it awkwardly in the ensuing post-win (rose handout) dance? - A

Girls who already have roses should never “steal him” for time at a cocktail party. That’s just plain mean. – E

Kacie B, professional Ben’s Season. (Wonder what she majored in for that job?) – E

It’s so funny how much they all freak out when anything veers from the typical script. – T

Kacie B blew it with her Tierra comments. (I still <3 u kacieeee!) (I read after the premiere that she already has a new boyfriend so I think she’s doing ok, don’t worry guys!!!!!) - E

Kacie B is going scuba diving in that dress. - A

STOP INTERRUPTING, CHRIS HARRISON. WE ALL KNOW HOW TO COUNT. – T

“Ladies, Sean, this is the final rose tonight. When you’re ready.” Classic Chris Harrison quip!! #pointlesshost – E

Goodbye to all the unmemorable ones and ugly model. – T

PREVIEWS:

“Which chocolate do you want to taste.” ewwwww – T

Roller derby. If I didn’t know better I’d think the producers find ways to make these girls fight more on purpose!!!!!!! Oh, wait… - E

I could not be more excited for roller derby! Brilliant!!!!! - A

TORTURED?! Tierra stop being a drama queen. Sorry that your dream of being on TV isn’t going as planned. – T

Favorite tweets:

Sean is currently setting a record for longest amount of time on a date that his shirt has stayed on. #Bachelor

— Courtney Kerr (@thecourtneykerr) January 22, 2013

Awkward turtle. #bachelor

— Ashley L. Rosenbaum (@ashhebert) January 22, 2013

These girls who cheer when they find out they got the group date are like people who say they love going to the dentist. #Bachelor

— Dana Weiss (@Possessionista) January 22, 2013

(source)

weekly running commentary from @tara_lane, @elizcongdon, and @ZandraLane

ok i like this girl (sarah) but PLEASE stop reminding us that you only have one arm! we did not forget from 5 seconds ago when you mentioned it before. - T

“prove to the entire world i can do this.” GIRL THIS IS THE BACHELOR. you’re not solving any world problems here. - T

I can’t with these “adventurous dates.” Seriously, if a guy ever tried to force me to “face my fear” of deep water I would be like, byeee nice knowin’ ya, enjoy your sharks! -E

Okay ABC has done this repelling off a building, off the same building no less, a million times before. - A

No arm (sorry) is way too good for him. She has a sassy edge, and she’s obvi a  uber strong person. - A

“i just want more adventure.” “so you want someone more adventurous?” this conversation is melting my brain. - T

Lesley M. is still my favorite. and she’s wearing an exact outfit that i’ve worn before. #girlfriends - T

Big group shots/group date card readings: I’m going to refrain from prediction-like comments because I’ve read all the spoilers and know the final 4, 2 and 1. I will say that my favorite is Kacie B. and that she has been my favorite since the very start of Ben’s season. (UGH BEN YOU’RE SO STUPID WHY COURTNEY WHY???) -E

The beginning of Tierra’s crazy. Those cutesy nice girls are secret bitches I tell you! - A

Yoga teacher just ujayi breathed in the limo. - A

why is Tierra so appalled someone has extensions? - T

You can’t be too aggressive on the group dates. - A

Tierra’s going to have the best limo confessional on her way out. - A

So far Tierra is not half as terrible as Courtney was on Ben’s season. -E

The model came for what she wanted- a gig. She’s done! - A

Daniella is Kristen Wiig as Cinderella in Disney Housewives SNL skit. “I’m a big f in messss.” - A

so much secondhand embarrassment from this conversation. had to put it on mute for a second. - T

YASSSS LESLEY YOU GO GIRL. no matter how awkward it was. - T

Yogi needs to smoooooth that rats nest down and enrich her color! -  A

sean reminds me of someone slimy that i know/knew at some point…i can’t pinpoint it but he just rubs me the wrong way sometimes!! - T

…Wait, really, T? I was just thinking he is growing on me a little bit. I’m not a huge fan, he still bores me, but he’s marginally better than he was on Emily’s Bachelorette season. -E

I feel so bad for this girl with this art gallery prank. Also, this is the dumbest date ever in the history of The Bachelor. -E

She knows it’s not a prank. Weird she has no other emotion than that smiiiiile. - A

Desiree is so much like Kacie b. - A

Ok dinner at his house is fine/normal. I would still be mad about the art prank if I were here, though. -E

He’s “blown away” by so much!! - A

“I have a good feeling about this” is amazing. - A

bored to tears where is the rose ceremony. - T

Sean: Waahhh I like so many of these girls and they’re all obsessed with me. I have too many mates! My life is so hard!!!!!! SHUT UP MAN. -E

The Kacie Bs have found each other and are obsessed w each other, awe! - A

Previews for next week! The only thing better than #BachelorTears is #BachelorAmbulences. Oh the DRAMA! Next Monday’s gon’ be good. -E

Ok so no one wants to see anyone physically hurt (emotional hurt is cool though) but this health drama WOULD happen to Tierra. - A

favorite tweets:

Every season. Every season taking plunges together. ABC knows the joke is on us, America.

— caroline (@socarolinesays) January 15, 2013

“To see this other side is incredible” Sean says. And by “this other side” he means “practically naked.” #bachelor

— People magazine (@peoplemag) January 15, 2013

Girls, you are beautiful no matter what. Unless you grow up & go on The Bachelor. Then it’s a free pass for strangers to judge all of you.

— brandyismagic (@brandyismagic) January 15, 2013

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Previews: I’m already giggling like a schoolgirl. This is going to be epic.

Looks like we’re gearing up for Courtney 2.0!

Omg SHUT UP SHUT UPPPPP about Emily! I’m over this already.

There’s something creepy about Emily, like an old creepy doll in a nightmarish movie.
A trashy version of Emily could be Holly Madison, no? Sort of spitting image!

Nice muscles though bro. I don’t hate it.

Yes, I was looking forward to these deep introspective soul searching shots.

Oh my dumb Dallas Texas boy. They always get Bachelors who satisfy their largest target audience- the middle of America. Ben, the San Franciscan, was an exception- he just played the game with a quarter of his heart and came out dating a model. I feel his season should be considered a Bachelor success story. Wow, I flesh this show out way too much.

I don’t get the point of this Arie thing but it’s pretty funny so I’ll allow it.

Nice try mixing it up with the Arie bromance, ABC, but it’s not working.

I wish Arie was The Bachelor.

Because everyone stands around in empty fields in a suit and tie, thinking about the future?

TV’S CHRIS HARRISON!!! So good to see you.

Desiree: cute, doesn’t stand out though. Rose.

Screamer: I think she’s the Courtney 2.0? Rose.

Robin: They have Texas in common, and that’s about it. Rose.

Diana: single mom! She’ll stay – he wants kids. Rose.

Diana- Oh the token Divorcee/Crazy Mormon. Classic.

Sarah: I think I like her. Hope Sean will see past the arm. Rose.

You can’t comment/feel bad for the amputee!

Ashley P: Another hair stylist oh boy. Cat lady. Said the man in her life is Christan Grey. Vommit. I hate to say it, but Rose.

Lesley: She’s cute and smart and well-dressed and well-spoken! I like her. ROSE.

Didn’t catch her name: I see you in your lululemon. Rose.

AshLEE F?: PROFESSIONAL ORGANIZER??????? Crazy eyes vibe. No rose.

*One Direction video break*

Good thing they just missed the rainstorm! Always with the wet pavement.

I heard a rumor that they water down the driveway to make it look…slick? So now I’m laughing about that.

The kiss followed by the tissue wasn’t planned at alllllll

Jackie- that “marking” needed to be executed quicker.

Poker Dealer?! Producers, you slay me.

Leslie H.: Basic sorry. No rose.

Daniella: Her hair needs some work. She seems fun though.

Kelly: nice song? No rose.

Katie: wow great yoga class! #sarcasmfont

Bahahahaha yoga instructor is barefoot- I kind of love it since I’m a namaste freak, but of course she’ll be out tonight.

Taryn: Love the updo. Love she admitted she didn’t watch his season!!! Rose.

OMG SHE FELL I LOVED IT SO MUCH. At least she’s memorable?
Robyn’s gymnastics fail is the best thing ever, too bad she planned it… so it’s not.

Lace(y): All the blondes are looking alike. Rose.

I like the color of Jumbotron’s dress, sue me. Again, great casting.

Paige: She’s quirky I like her. BachPad alum, she knows the ropes already: Rose.

Tierra: She’s the screamer from above. Seems a little obsessive.

Whyyyy is he leaving her there? He’ll probably come back and be like YOU’RE THE ONE, SHOWS OVER!

It’s so funny how Chris Harrison thinks he’s bros with these Bachelors. “Go ahead, man!” hahaha

OK it wasn’t exactly what I predicted but I was close! Rose right away, damn girl. ROSE.

Oh yeah, they hate her already. This won’t end well.

Tierra’s making hometowns. I feel that’s intended to be inferred, though, so maybe not. Oh, yup, with that target on her back the tensions gonna get to her and bring out her crazy.

Amanda: secondhand embarrassment omg. Rose.

Busted hair: did these girls not have enough time to do their hair?? No rose.

Lesley is my early favorite. Which probably means she’s doomed.

Bride (Lindsay H.): Surprise kiss attack!!! She’s a certified nutjob. And maybe probably drunk. No rose.

I’M AWARE I HAVE A CLICHÉ REACTION TO BRIDE GIRL SHE IS NUTS AND IS GONE THIS EPISODE. No you’re not a prankster, you’re crazy because you meant every moment of that!

LOL is the surprise person Emily?

*One Direction video break*

Kacie B: not fair that she already had an in!! they probably already know each other from bach events. Seem too friendly already.

Sean is going to end up with one of the girls, date them for a month, then date Kacie B for a year, and then they’ll break up. El Fin.

HAHAHA all their faces when she walks in.

I think it’s weird they can remember all that stuff about her from years ago about Kacie. I’m a Bach noob though, so maybe it’s just me?

2 for 2 on roses so far!!

“I think he can do whatever he wants!” – obviously. Have the past seasons not taught you obsessive ladies anything? Even I know to expect a few twists along the way.

Selma gets a rose, Ashley H. left empty handed. I like this method, Sean. Yes please let’s avoid as many awkward rose ceremonies as possible!

Bride’s first dance. She’s definitely on something. “I think I blew it.” Hello, Captain Obvious.

These dresses are making me not like glitter anymore- kind of sad- I totally buy into that trend.

How many girls are from Tennessee this season? Honky tonk!

50 shades girl: one woman dance party, without the music, with a tie. Yeah, you can go now.
“I am so scared for him right now.” Me too girl, me too.

“I brought a rape whistle in case I’m in trouble.” – SEAN

FIFTY SHADES OF DRUNK INDEED.   

The lady who is crying is the same one who hasn’t watched the show very much. Clearly she doesn’t know how to play the “game” that is THE BACHELOR.

I’m all for this new movement of passing out multiple roses before the ceremony. It could pose a whole new dynamic, challenging the power of the rose For example, what if roses are passed out, THEN girls show their true crazy, thinking they are safe. But roses cannot be retracted. Or maybe they can be?! DRAMA.
Ugh we have a rose ceremony after all.

Roses: Amanda, Lesley M. (YAYYY), Kacie B., Kristy, Daniella, Taryn, WEDDING DRESS LINDSAY OMG.

No roses: Lauren, Paige, Kelly (sang the song), 50 shades, someone else who cried (don’t they all?)

“I feel like a little bit of a bumski.” – 50 shades. Good job weeding this one out, Sean.

HAHAHA this Other Man Boyfriend drama looks amazing.

some favorite tweets:
The smell of spray tan was strong that evening. #TheBachelor
— Sean Lowe (@SeanLowe09) January 8, 2013

“Did I miss the memo?” Sean asks while silently wondering, “And did you miss your medication?” #bachelor
— People magazine (@peoplemag) January 8, 2013

. @saralang I started watching. OMG. Is this a real show? Are these real people? DID SHE WRITE HIM A SONG?
— Alberto (@12minds) January 8, 2013

whatshouldrunnerscallme:

Normal people

Me